Gotta Lot Of Bullets

Ha ha ha. That was funny. Whole lotta laughs.

I guess you'd think I fucked myself over.

Nah.

Not really.

It was bound to come out sometime.

By the way, some of you people have seeeeerious issues.

And I'm not talking about people who copped a 'tude, I'm talking about our handful of insane-o-maniacs, religious fanatics, and born again serial killers.

That was good fun to see. Sometimes it's great to -

Oh that reminds me! The whore is pregnant! ♥ Remember when she gave everybody syphilis? Poor baby. That thing's going to be DOA.

Anyone else I missed to insult? I know some people are gluttons for being put down.

This is...just...

Strange.

I liked the dresses for a little bit. There was this pink one with ribbons... Found some wigs and I was a female. Five names. I didn't like any of them, though.

Just not...not me.

I found this tux. I thought, why not? But it's really uncomfortable. Boxers are weird, too. I'm trying to like them, but sometimes it doesn't work.

I feel incomplete when I'm neither. Like I'm them, just not rooted. Some machine not plugged into the system.

But I was the one who ran away, so... It was my choice.

Yeah. I guess it was.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my computer for its webcam. It just so happens to help me flip people off myself without drawing pretty pictures instead!

Am I special?

No. Just advanced.

I saved Grimmjow's first picture, though. I like to pretend it's my mother, cradling me in her arms. The bones at the bottom are all the others before me. For the sake of a clean, family-friendly story, we'll just call them "miscarriages".

Or mandrake roots. Make ugly babies. Whaa.

I DIDN'T GET ANY OF HER GOOD LOOKS, THOUGH.

YES, I'M YELLING.

Medusa, you are such a naughty girl~

And wow, wow, wow. Someone's stirring the pot, I hear.

Danger's lurking at every corner. Nobody is safe! Not even the prophets!

I hope the attackers have oodles of fun.

YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM ME.

Heehee~

Aww, more people.

I, Medusa, am so thrilled at the new arrivals! What fun! And such a lively bunch, too, from what I've heard. I personally think Reno is thrilled that his boyfriend is here. Poor Maria, kicked to the curb. She's probably used to it though.

Who here, besides me, is jealous of all the special attention Lucifer gave Balam and Schroedinger? It sucks when the boss plays favorites. I simply don't feel loved anymore. After all, everyone knows a good beating improves the morale. And we're a masochistic bunch, aren't we~

I think he should open up a request hotline.

Speaking of being a masochist, I'm going to the shooting range and would like some company. Anybody want to bother me for an afternoon~? It's on the house.

Oh, Tailypo, going after horses, what big teeth you have! You're a certifiable hazzard to society, scooter!

And great news, Alex. Alessa and I are getting married.

...Again.

( Private to Mitch )

I won the trial, hoorah.

But that really went without saying, didn't it.

Good try, Maria. But writhing on satin sheets doesn't count as training. Just a pointer for next time.

To everyone else who won - really? How impressed am I.

I know Lucy's going to bury the knife into anyone who failed, so...

Lucy? I failed. So bad. Punish me too.

Please?

( Private to Lucifer )

So! When I asked Niflheim if anyone wanted to torture me in return for some errand boy chores from me, I got a lot of people who said: "I totally know how to torture somebody, buuuuuut~"

Here's a little something to put this in perspective: You know who else says, "I totally know how to torture somebody, buuuuuut~"? Try every kid who's ever played a video game. In other words, you were unimpressive then, and you're still unimpressive now. Are you awesome for that juicy knowledge you retain? I think not.

However! There was one person who actually stood up and made an actual effort to be a true Niflheimer! Our baddest baddie yet - SPUG! Thanks to her, I get to imagine being hit by a sledgehammer. Wouldn't Satan be so proud of her if he knew? My bet's on yes~

When do you want to play, huggles~?

( Private to Mitch )

Oh look, Maria! We're going on a date.

It'll last three seconds. Five if you move.

O

M

G, what happened, you guys? Are you okaaaaay? What did the big bad Flauros do to youuuuuuu, awwww.

You can tell Aunt Sally, she won't pick on you~

Much.

Meanwhile, MITCH! I had so much fun spending time with you the other day! ♥ Has anyone in Asgard noticed yet? Did anyone care?

My bets are...going with a big fat no.

( Private to Mitch )


{Filtered to Niflheim}

I have a little, hm...proposition for you guys, if you'd like to accept. To think, it might be worth your while~

I wanna feel a little pain, you see, and it's been so long since I've been tortured by someone. Three, four months, maybe... And we all know I could use a little discipline.

So here's the deal: whoever here can come up with the most creative and agonizing way to torture me will get to do so! And in return, after I heal, I'll be your most devoted servant for a whooooole week. I'll do whatever you want.

I might even do Lucifer's assignment for you. If you play your cards right, that is.

Sound spiffy?

I think I'll be going out to Emptiness this evening! My camera system's about to get an upgrade. I sure do love spying on people...

Does this make me a busybody? Oh, surely, I hope not. What a terrible reputation I'd have then...

So-ho~ New arrivals.

Nicknames, ahoy!

Spug - Hypocrite at his worst, I'd say. Lucifer, Lucifer, Lucifer~ Give Satan a big old pat on the back for that one. I haven't seen a bigger bull's eye since we got here! Oh, Spug? If you'd like to settle whatever scores you have with me, all you need to do is step out in the middle of the lawn and wave a big, red flag. I'll be sure to see you from where I am~ Love my turrets, LOVE THEM.

Shakespeare - Do I rhyme, or do I care? This creature comes with jokes to spare! Easy to laugh at, joy to tease. Mocking him is such a breeze! Oh! Before I forget, since I do look out for the best interests of my teammates: Flauros, Reno, and Schroedinger all have tailypos! And most of Asgard has tailypos too! They all just hide them with magic, becuase they were scared of you.

Keele - So many nicknames to choose from, I actually have to think about it... But in the meantime - hey, Keele! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Caveman - *grunts* Me. Break rocks. No time. *grunts* Me. Too cool for school. Me eat. Me pee. Me smash head into walls. *russian accent:* I will break you.

Okay, people!

Flauros wants a fire to be lit under your asses. And usually I'd just tell him to shut up, but I'm bored, so -

ALL HAIL TNT!


{AN: 206 and 210 have now been nuked.}

Some announcements, ladies and gents. To clear the air.

1. Yes, you idiots, I was Brandy. I hear those pesky little rumors of was he/wasn't he, and yes, I was. There, I spoiled the story. Find a new one. Or start one yourselves.

2. Lucy! Why didn't you ever tell me how great Emerald was? If a fucking asexual finds what she did hot, hot, hot, then she wins, hands down. I'm giving Niflheim to her party package. I should owe her more often.

3. Apparently I'm just like Yako's half-brother Sai, who reflexively forgets things, doesn't have a gender, and cross-dresses as red-haired, blue-eyed chicks. It seems as though I'm not an original character. I'm just some fucking carbon copy of everyone else's relatives.

Excuse me, I'm going to go slit my wrists. Because this is, what, the third person I'm eerily similar to? Yawn.

Bother her about it. She loves talking about him. Seriously, he's always on her mind. Creepy, creepy, creepy.

I hope somebody kills the dumb, self-centered bitch.

4. Jazz hasn't tried to get in my pants since I got back here! But I'm hitting Flauros' room next. I'll be a first-class whore yet!

5. I'm far too busy being evil to go on. Mitch, get your ass over here!

Oh, goodie, goodie, it looks like I came back just in time. Was I missed? I hope so!

Thought I was gone forever? I'm sure you wished I was.

Don't worry. My feelings aren't hurt. Rather, I just wanted to say: I fucking missed you guys so much! It's just not the same without people to hate on.

[Filtered to Niflheim]

I expect it's been a snore fest since I left, but only because I bring fabulousness wherever I go.

Or maybe someone'll surprise me and tell me they've actually done something.

And by "something", I mean your job.

Blah blah blahblahblah. Nobody talks to me anymore! Do I have to knock on your door for some attention? It's like I'm only important when I'm a pain in the ass. I feel so used.

Woe.

( Private to Banru )

( Private )

Awwwwwwwww, poor, insignificant souls. Are the voices in your head driving you mad?

Funny thing - that's what they're there for.

Not worth it if it doesn't bring a little pain, hm? Mama makes you eat your vegetables. Aunt Sally wants you to suck it up. And if you ever feel down on your luck? Just climb into your stroller and suck your thumb. Someone will come and pat you on the back shortly.

We can't live without having others pity us, is that how it is? Validation of our failures? If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were all a bunch of invertabrates. As for the ones who are "enjoying" this, just think - they haven't all been so pleasant. It'll bite you eventually. And then you just bleed out...

( Private Flauros, Una, and Emerald )

( Private, Unhackable )