Gotta Lot Of Bullets

It's funny how I leave practically nothing private on these journals and those of Asgard seem to, for the most part, overlook them. It's not like I'm listing square roots, people.

It makes me laugh. You always overlook what has been staring you in the face all along.

For example!

Blythe was FUN. So fucking FUN. Didn't do much to her - I had to keep her alive - a deal's a deal - but she was delightful. "I'll scream!" Hahaha. And the horde of men who came to her rescue. I have a choice word for a woman like that, but damned if I'll try to say it here, because someone'll jump me. Oh, wait, no one reads this anyway. Whore.

Heh.

Kain smells formidable. I thought my biggest issue would be L, but nooooo. Besides, L belongs to Light, and well, I don't cut into another's turf. Light, you have a gay old time with that boy, you hear? Whisper naughty things in his ear. Make us all sick to our stomachs again. ♥

You'll never be able to shoot like me. Remember that. Trigger-happy children, that's what you are. None of you have what it takes. It's like surgery - precision, boys, precision! Prolong the agony. Stitch 'em up, start all over again.

What was I saying? Kain! Kain, yeah, he's a lot like Mitch. Couple years on him, but not many. Still children. He sounds like he wants to fight. I may have to satisfy that curiosity. Every child needs time in the corner.

Mitch is still my number one. I even made a foam finger, just for the next time I see him. He thinks he's in the clear. He's releasing one big sigh of fucking relief that I've focused my attention elsewhere. Sorry, darling: I'm always watching you. ♥

Oh, Mitch, oh, Mitch, oh, Mitch, oh...

Oh...and someone else.

Someone near and dear to my heart. She knows who she is. If allowed to go into detail, we'd be here all night, but... I bet she smells nice. I bet she has one of those scents that just mingles with the stench of blood like magic. I see a full moon, hundreds of candles, two wine goblets, classical music, and an operating table. It's like an aphrodisiac just thinking about it, daydreaming, fantasizing... Can a Phoenix howl? As quick as a Rascal may worship.

Mitch, don't let her win! I don't have another foam finger. And you know you want to be my number one forever!

Now squirm.

( Private to Schroedinger and Carrion )

I'm just....so relieved I got back to Niflheim on fucking time. Stayed ten minutes longer, and I'd be down in Davy Jones' Locker.

Speaking of which - twelve hours into this shit and already everyone's spitting out their cheap pirate slang? Really now, kiddies? Have some willpower, some damned self-respect. Pirate talk, come on...

My outfit's snazzy, though. Still got my guns. I can deal with it.

ANYWAY, boy, did I have fun in Asgard and Emptiness. I'm all up for sharing details. Really, now, it was quite the adventure. I got to rough up a little girl (slim pickings these days) and got to sit back and watch as Light played the big badass of the day.

The Perfect Day.

I'm going out for a long walk. If I don't come back for a couple days, don't go crying to Lucy.

You people make me sick. And you wonder why I like being alone so much. Emerald, keep your hands off my shit while I'm gone.

If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. No one gets their shit done around here. We either half-ass or we brag about the miracles that we just so happen to be. I actually do something for this team.

Light, feel free to talk whenever you want. You ain't so bad right now.

Well, whaddya know. Things are finally starting to get interesting around here.

I heard Mello and Banru with that bazooka. Nice weapon. Not as big as mine. I knew right away Banru had bad taste and he just advertised that to everyone. And Mello? Not really worth the afterthought.

Apparently, Una's taste is just as bad as Banru's, I've heard. Shame. I thought she was better than that.

Oh, Emerald, how I do ~miss~ you. The noises you made at night, the times I told you to get my guns out from between your legs (really, what a way to get 'banged'), the one day you were the mummy... There's just no one to pick on anymore. No one to have sex with everyone and distract them from coming on to me. I hope you died, Emerald. It would ease my heart.

*snort*

Light's doing better. He can speak in sentences.

And Carrion? Ooooh, Carrion, you are a handful. I've got my pretty little eye on you~.

LIGHTY, GET YOUR FRISKY LITTLE ASS OVER HERE, WE NEED TO TALK.

All you other dumbfucks, take five. Hours. Sally's got some serious business to attend to.

Been training Shinji how to shoot properly. He's not as bad as he initially thought he was. Damn kid needs to give himself more credit. Sure, he'll never be as good as me - no one will ever be - but he's got the basics down. Maybe it'll give him something to do. It'll also help keep him from killin' himself, cuz just like little Mitch, he's got a lot going for him.

I feel like a mentor. How bizarrely thrilling it is! My greatness is prolific, hehe.

New shits arrived today. Three - four? - of them, I think. I can't keep track. I don't really care anyway. What do I do to at least remember their names? Mello....hm. Mellodramatic. Allen. Oldspice. He sounds like an aftershave kind of ladies' man. Banru. Baaanru....LIBERACE. Suits him and his fruity kicks, too. Wesker. Don't know much about him. Might as well just leave it at Wesker. Wanker if he, eheh, rubs me the wrong way.

Okay, that wasn't funny.

Whaddya know, I'm 'crack'ing down on my own jokes. I'm disappointing.

Other than that, I've decided to follow the so-called lead of some of the others right now. I'm peeling bananas and keeping my eye on the little tykes in Asgard. Light's in some drama. I wonder if he could ever live without it. He won't let me in *sniffles*.

They've got a shitload of new arrivals. For fuck's sake, aren't they already screwed up enough as it is? Yeah, bring in more recruits. It'll make it all the more fun to eradicate them.

You know, I wonder what happened to that Alice chick. I was only in her body for one day. Almost makes me want to be a woman again. Just to see what it's like. It's been three....two...no three....maybe two...years.

Meh. Women are weak.

Maybe I should go say hi to her. Just for pity's sake.

Things are actually....painfully quiet around here. What happened to all the fire? It's like Strix walking into the room. Somebody snuffed out the flame.

I've been pretty well behaved recently, surprise. Had a less-than-noteworthy encounter with Jazzy and Midvalley. They don't bother me so much anymore. Fuckin' had it with freaking out over what the other members can or cannot do. I just don't get why Jazzy is so into me. It just - ew. Nothing personal, man. Nothing personal at all. I'd have the same reaction if anybody came after me. Not that I'm trying to defend my actions, it's just.....EW.

I say it once, I'll say it again - ew, ew, EW.

Like they think it'd be that easy to win me over anyway. People do so like to underestimate me.

I'm not gonna shy away and hide behind a bucket of privates. I've weened in my attempts to get Mitch's attention. I have my reasons. One of them has to do with the fact that somebody else could try to get involved. And when somebody touches my things, I'll risk expulsion from this place just to shoot them between the eyes. I don't know why no one'd take me seriously on that threat. If they had anything between their ears, they'd back off now.

So one of my turrets is destroyed. I'll need to fix that.

Other than that, I have plans with good old Carrion. He wants to give me a demonstration. But we'll see who the one with the fireworks is in the end. Thinks he's all that just cuz he has a fishtank on his head. Whoop-de-do. Don't get me wrong, you guys. I know he's serious shit. In case you're concerned, I'll be careful. What would you do without me, anyway?

Light, this one's for you.

Heh.

I see everyone's search and destroy plans are just about trashed, no thanks to Light. What's wrong, everybody? Just too much for you to stomach? I have to be honest, fuck it all, but I hate that guy. Not because of what he did when you're a hunter, what does it matter how you catch your prey, so long as you get 'em?, but because he's got potential.

Ooh. Did I say that out loud?

We hate what we fear, they say. Now, I ain't a coward (that's a title given to a couple others around here), but I do know a challenge when I see one. And for Light, who chose someone not on my turf, I've got nothing more to say or do than stand back and applaud the twisted bastard.

Very nice, Light, very nice indeed.

They beat up guys like you for that in prison. And here, too, apparently...

It's like they've all suddenly grown hearts. Makes me sick to my stomach.

On another friendly note -

Hope you like your room, Carey. Una and I gave it such special attention.

As for those of Niflheim meandering their way over here just to be 'sure': I don't private my shit. I leave out in broad daylight. Like a nudist in Times Square. Flashy example, eh? I just wanted all of you to know, I'm not running up and down Emptiness like a chicken without a head; I'm watching you. Each and every one of you.

And I'll wait...

And I'll wait...

And before you know it, it'll be too late...

Like the rhyme? I'm a talented person.

But don't let the cheeky grin fool you. There's arsenic in your coffee. Ciao.