Gotta Lot Of Bullets

It's funny how I leave practically nothing private on these journals and those of Asgard seem to, for the most part, overlook them. It's not like I'm listing square roots, people.

It makes me laugh. You always overlook what has been staring you in the face all along.

For example!

Blythe was FUN. So fucking FUN. Didn't do much to her - I had to keep her alive - a deal's a deal - but she was delightful. "I'll scream!" Hahaha. And the horde of men who came to her rescue. I have a choice word for a woman like that, but damned if I'll try to say it here, because someone'll jump me. Oh, wait, no one reads this anyway. Whore.

Heh.

Kain smells formidable. I thought my biggest issue would be L, but nooooo. Besides, L belongs to Light, and well, I don't cut into another's turf. Light, you have a gay old time with that boy, you hear? Whisper naughty things in his ear. Make us all sick to our stomachs again. ♥

You'll never be able to shoot like me. Remember that. Trigger-happy children, that's what you are. None of you have what it takes. It's like surgery - precision, boys, precision! Prolong the agony. Stitch 'em up, start all over again.

What was I saying? Kain! Kain, yeah, he's a lot like Mitch. Couple years on him, but not many. Still children. He sounds like he wants to fight. I may have to satisfy that curiosity. Every child needs time in the corner.

Mitch is still my number one. I even made a foam finger, just for the next time I see him. He thinks he's in the clear. He's releasing one big sigh of fucking relief that I've focused my attention elsewhere. Sorry, darling: I'm always watching you. ♥

Oh, Mitch, oh, Mitch, oh, Mitch, oh...

Oh...and someone else.

Someone near and dear to my heart. She knows who she is. If allowed to go into detail, we'd be here all night, but... I bet she smells nice. I bet she has one of those scents that just mingles with the stench of blood like magic. I see a full moon, hundreds of candles, two wine goblets, classical music, and an operating table. It's like an aphrodisiac just thinking about it, daydreaming, fantasizing... Can a Phoenix howl? As quick as a Rascal may worship.

Mitch, don't let her win! I don't have another foam finger. And you know you want to be my number one forever!

Now squirm.

( Private to Schroedinger and Carrion )

So somebody left me a gift on my bed.

I'm not amused, but, meh, that's what you get for working with children. Whoever did this is someone with a wasted existence. Because really, now, goat turds? How bad-ass. You must feel mighty proud of yourself.

Emerald helped me carry it up to the deck. Gallon of gasoline, a match...you get the picture. Think I know who did it. Not saying who yet. But I just wanted to tell them hi - you were so thoughtful. ♥

( Private to Schroedinger )

I'm back.

Actually did some thinking.

I missed you all so much! I cried myself to sleep every night.

I see Mello thought he'd be clever with my away message. Not much to argue with when it's a machine. Kid does not know how to pick his fights.

And Strixy commented, too...

Well, Strix, ready for that talk?

Well, whaddya know. Things are finally starting to get interesting around here.

I heard Mello and Banru with that bazooka. Nice weapon. Not as big as mine. I knew right away Banru had bad taste and he just advertised that to everyone. And Mello? Not really worth the afterthought.

Apparently, Una's taste is just as bad as Banru's, I've heard. Shame. I thought she was better than that.

Oh, Emerald, how I do ~miss~ you. The noises you made at night, the times I told you to get my guns out from between your legs (really, what a way to get 'banged'), the one day you were the mummy... There's just no one to pick on anymore. No one to have sex with everyone and distract them from coming on to me. I hope you died, Emerald. It would ease my heart.

*snort*

Light's doing better. He can speak in sentences.

And Carrion? Ooooh, Carrion, you are a handful. I've got my pretty little eye on you~.

Been training Shinji how to shoot properly. He's not as bad as he initially thought he was. Damn kid needs to give himself more credit. Sure, he'll never be as good as me - no one will ever be - but he's got the basics down. Maybe it'll give him something to do. It'll also help keep him from killin' himself, cuz just like little Mitch, he's got a lot going for him.

I feel like a mentor. How bizarrely thrilling it is! My greatness is prolific, hehe.

New shits arrived today. Three - four? - of them, I think. I can't keep track. I don't really care anyway. What do I do to at least remember their names? Mello....hm. Mellodramatic. Allen. Oldspice. He sounds like an aftershave kind of ladies' man. Banru. Baaanru....LIBERACE. Suits him and his fruity kicks, too. Wesker. Don't know much about him. Might as well just leave it at Wesker. Wanker if he, eheh, rubs me the wrong way.

Okay, that wasn't funny.

Whaddya know, I'm 'crack'ing down on my own jokes. I'm disappointing.

Other than that, I've decided to follow the so-called lead of some of the others right now. I'm peeling bananas and keeping my eye on the little tykes in Asgard. Light's in some drama. I wonder if he could ever live without it. He won't let me in *sniffles*.

They've got a shitload of new arrivals. For fuck's sake, aren't they already screwed up enough as it is? Yeah, bring in more recruits. It'll make it all the more fun to eradicate them.

You know, I wonder what happened to that Alice chick. I was only in her body for one day. Almost makes me want to be a woman again. Just to see what it's like. It's been three....two...no three....maybe two...years.

Meh. Women are weak.

Maybe I should go say hi to her. Just for pity's sake.